SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Frank- It does seem strange that I feel she’s semi-remorseful even with her suicide attempt. I feel that way because she says she wants to stay with me and reconcile but she makes no effort to examine why she had the affair or answer any other lingering questions. Then it occurs to me that the attempt could have been less about regret and more of an effort to avoid responsibility and the social scorn that she may have to deal with, if this becomes common knowledge.

It seems you’re right about affair-sex, based on everything I’m reading. Unfortunately, its also true that once you get burned by it, the idea of ruining someone else’s relationship with some hot, steamy affair-sex isn’t very appealing.

And yes, weekly for 4 1/2 to 5 years according to her latest guess. Sometimes 2x a week but not always for sex. Sometimes just a legitimate workout and some chit chat. There is no way she didn’t have some feelings for this dirt bag. Not admitting it makes me worried that she could still feel that way and who knows when it could crop up again.

Anyway, our next marriage therapy session I’m going to press for some answers. She seems to feel more obligated to discuss it in that setting.
Thanks for listening.

LTH. It is truly cruel, that behavior and her cutting words. Sex with a married man in his garage while his own wife and children are on the same property is her best sex? While the man who loves her and her own children are waiting for her at her home! Then a suicide attempt. It doesn't even all add up. If there is any way you can monitor her phone calls and activities - maybe you should try that. My world became a lot clearer after I started listening into my WX's telephone conversations.

Step aside and let her go live her best life in this guy's garage with his wife and kids nearby and call it done. As painful as it is for you and your kids - it is what it is.

Don't ever accept her lousy opinion of you. Don't ever.

She’s basically telling me that her whole five year affair was about sex and I was not providing sex that was satisfying to her so she went elsewhere. It is really getting to me and I’m trying to figure out if she is trying spare my feelings by saying it was not also an emotional affair or if she is telling me that our marriage meant so little that getting better sex from someone else was worth all the risks.
I’m sure additional therapy will help me understand her answer but she is sticking with the answer and I’m not sure anything will make that better. What a shitty feeling.

At this point, I cannot even imagine the amount of your soul that will die if you continue to stay with her. The fact that she is not incredibly remorseful given the scope of her treason is the true measure of her character.

She doesnt value you man. Not one iota. At most, you are a convenience. Please pick up what is left of your self esteem and identity and leave her to her debauchery.

Its only a short time since your wife’s solution to her situation (of her own creation) was attempted suicide. She’s still a far way off from being capable of explaining the why of the affair. Heck… might be months of IC before she finally get’s it.
"Just sex" is her way of minimizing or limiting pain. If she thought the emotional part was less harmful she would be claiming that, and that the sex had been bad.
I wouldn’t put too much value on her statements now.

What does concern me is that at first it was 2 years, then 3, then 3 ½ and now it’s 5…

Is she still trickle-truthing?

I like your comment on having a mental deadline (as I recommended). Set your goal for that deadline, and IMHO having a verifiable and believable timeline would be a great place to start, and if there is any hope of R that she has found and started treatment with an IC.