SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

10 years since DD. I may be all over the place with the post. Sorry in advance. I guess you could call us in reconsiliation, but idk. I know I should have left, it was just too hard and I wasn't raised to be a quiter. I don't have proof that she's cheating again, just a gut feeling. She's a rug sweeper thru and thru. Any apologies have been forced by me. Says "I don't want to bring it up." We never did any counseling. Her AP was a guy she worked with that I suspected was an issue long before discovery. She no longer works at that company and we are 5 hours away. She works in a male dominated field (engineering). She used to never have to travel for work, but her company was acquired by a national company a little over a year ago and now traveling is a thing. I am super uncomfortable with it and she knows that I am. She never invites me to tag along. I'm self-employed with a very flexible schedule, and we can afford it. We are friends with her direct boss and his wife. Not get together out side of work type stuff, but we frequent alot of the same events. We have a big summer bbq every year and they attend usually, even had their kid's band play it one year. He has recently made comments to her about "troubles" with his wife. Not super intimate details, more off-hand type comments. I'm not one to air my dirty laundry (except strangers I guess), not to best friends, not to family. I just think it's trashy. I just know what to do. I'm so angry still from the 1st affair, angrier now by the thought of it happening again. It broke me. It broke us. WE were the couple other couples modeled their relationships after, some still do because they don't know the truth. I know I've left things out, I'm sure I'll have more to say later.

The common view in this forum is that if there is no remorse, you are not reconciling. What you have done is rug sweeping. You can't have an intimate relationship if there are no honest discussions and you can't have a safe relationship if the person who abused you has no remorse and no will to atone for their actions.

I think on your case the most important thing, before making any plans to improve your marriage is to know if your gut feeling is correct or not. Have you thought about doing some investigation? Perhaps hiring a private investigator? It can feel over the top, but there is nothing more important for your own physical, mental and potentially financial safety then to establish if there is anything happening.